"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; 

     I will recount all of Your wonderful deeds.

I will be glad and exalt in you;

I will sing praise to your name O Most High...

...O you who lifted me up from death so that I may recount your praises."

 Psalm 9:1-2; 13b-14a

Alright. It's been a really long time since I've written on my blog. You'll have to forgive me because in these past 2 months...these past 2 CRAZY months full of growth, I have turned my attention to writing in my journal instead of the blog. I write in it everyday...seriously. Every single day. 

  See?? Isn't it beautiful? And I've almost finished all of it.

Anyway, Today I thought about my blog. I figured, if anyone still has interest on what is going on my life and what not, I'd start putting some of this stuff up here starting from "The Beginning." So my next entries are going to be a series of bits and pieces of some of my most intimate thoughts. Who knows? Some of my ramblings might be able to actually help someone else. Besides, I think it's important to share some of these things with the people outside of my small circle of skype dates and friends in Palermo.

So, that being said, I am now going to take you back to the part of my journal I call "The Beginning" because it most definitely is the beginning of a new life for me. It began the week before Easter...

   April 21st
 
            "I have been asleep. I have been blind. I have been lukewarm for so long. This is essentially the beginning of my new life. That's what's so amazing about God's grace.

I feel like the prodigal son. I am the prodigal daughter. I do whatever I like with the I want with the inheritance that was freely given to me by my Father. And here I am - everything is gone. I've been so hungry, I've been eating with the pigs...but it's time for me to go home. I must return to my Father. In the story, the father runs out to meet his son, and he gives him the ring upon his finger, and threw a huge party for him! Just welcomed him right back into his house...Jesus, I am running back. All of my days are going to be spent seeking after You.

He has given me this freedom to make my own choices, and I use it only to please myself. I have made for myself this faith, a way of life and following Jesus that was only comfortable for me. It's just not possible! How did I get to this point? How could have I forgotten that there is nothing easy or comfortable about choosing to follow the Lord? It has been awfully easy for me lately because the only God I have been searching after has been me.

I am so weak. I know nothing. I can do nothing without Him. Why did I waste so much of my time? Why did I do this to myself? I broke the love of my life. I jeopardized our future. I have got to grow up. But there are consequences. Every action has a reaction - what I do doesn't just affect me...

...If it's not in God's plan, I'm not going to pursue it. Right now, I don't know. I don't know, so I'm just laying it down. I am just going to lay it down at the cross, I cannot fix this. I cannot save us. Only you can."