"But he said to me, 

'My grace is sufficient for you, 

for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"

2 Corinthians 12:9

April 27th

          "It's taking everything I have not to break down and cry. Despite all the awesome things God has been showing me in these past 2 days, my heart is still broken by the person I've become. I am just a shell of the girl I was...and no where near the girl I want to be. I have to be at school - all smile - pretending that I'm not currently that I'm the dirtiest and stupidest person I could possibly be. Although I'm being made new, I'm still covered in cuts and bruises made from the chains in which I bound myself. What a frustrating thing. There's no undo button. I just have to keep going forward. 

When I'm weak, His grace is sufficient for me. Where there is less of me, there is more room for Him to move in...He is strong. I am not. 

I'm pretty sure God is calling me into the Catholic church. I'm not going to tell anyone just yet. I'm still kinda still in disbelief by the whole thing. I can't imagine what my family is going to say...I didn't come looking for this! I wasn't looking for answers! God just kinda...picked me up and set my feet upon this path. But there's still this struggle. One day I'll feel so confident in it, and the next I won't be so sure. That is why I need to let my knowledge grow as I am growing more and more spiritually and remember to say 'yes' to whatever it is that God wants me to do. 

He wants a deeper communion with me...for some reason joining the Catholic church seems like the perfect way to do it. I haven't learned enough about it to say what it is for sure. I don't know. Why else would I be going through all this? Only to say, "No, thanks. I'm fine where I am." It's almost becoming like a leap of faith. I'm pretty sure everyone I know is going to think I'm being brainwashed, and didn't make this decision based on my own desire...which in a sense they'll be right. It's just not the Catholics I'm surrounded by who are doing the "brain washing." 

I'm tired of having a faith that's only comfortable for me. I don't want a religion, but I want to be Catholic. How strange to admit it. How strange to think it. But everything that I've learned, makes sense. And I've been trying so hard to prove it wrong. Who knows, maybe this decision can help someone else too. But I know all the criticisms that lie ahead of me. Just not sure how to answer them quite yet.

Wish those books would come in. I've been waiting for days. I'm so ready to hear a Protestant perspective on the Catholic church...an educated perspective. I hope that will help me answer some of my questions. In the mean time, I'll keep searching. Keep praying. Keep reading. Keep listening. And keep...waiting." 

  "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, 

so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

For the sake of Christ, then, 

I am content with weaknesses,

insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. 

For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

2 Corinthians 12:9b-10